PETA Nuts

So today my much anticipated weekly issue of Sports Illustrated arrived in the mail. I grabbed it and headed to the one and only place I can get a moment's peace and quiet in the house, my fortress of solitude otherwise known as the bathroom. I sat upon the porcelain throne and leafed through the periodical. Inside I found an article by Phil Taylor describing the latest ridiculousness of my least favorite group of nutty people,PETA. PETA, you know the group that believes the preamble to the United States Constitution begins "We the animals, critters, and invertebrates of the United States...", that PETA is apparently demanding Michael Vick be subjected to a brain scan to determine if he has psychopathic tendencies. Now I don't agree with the dog fighting Michael Vick was involved in, but he has done his time in prison and no longer has his dogs. These people are crazy. They care more about making a ridiculous statement than about the lives of actual people or about human rights in general. I wonder if they are aware that there is genocide in Darfur. I'd like to see a couple PETA representatives head out to Darfur and try to drum up support for their group. "Hey Mr. Ungawe, I know your kids have been killed, your wife raped and murdered and your home and all earthly belongings burned to the ground, but we have a crisis in America. Animals don't have rights. Let me give you some of our literature. You'll see we are now in the process of demanding a millionaire athlete convicted of dog fighting be forced to take a brain scan before he is allowed to go back to making millions of dollars by playing football. That's American football not that intensely boring game you folks call football, and you are using synthetic balls, and finding a pitch free of ant hills right?? Anyway I digress. You see our rapists and murderers do not require these scans but this despicable man has violated the very rights these dogs don't have under our constitution and so a scan he must take! We at PETA are sure you are sympathetic and would be willing to make a donation. Also we know food is scarce and protein hard to come by but we're also sure you'll pledge to stop eating tasty animals." Yeah that would go over real well. How about focusing some of that excess energy crazy people all seem to have on something a little more important there PETA?? Thanks.